There isn’t any one cause of depression, anxiety, and shame but one significant contributing factor for many is perfectionism. Perfectionism is rooted in control - specifically control over how others will perceive us. You can say the desire for control dates back to the first humans in the Garden of Eden. In other words, it’s been a part of the human experience since the beginning.
There are many reasons why one might struggle with perfectionism, but the most common one is fear; fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of disappointment. Fear drives us to be perfect because we believe if we’re perfect we won’t experience that which we’re most afraid of. However, the road we take to avoid our fears will lead us to them.
It’s impossible to be perfect but we live in a culture and society that puts pressure on us to be perfect and shuns imperfection. So many people burn out because of perfectionism. The constant grind and need for control lead many to become anxious because of fear or depressed because they can’t live up to the expectations placed on them. Sometimes these expectations come from internal pressures, sometimes external, and sometimes both. Often perfectionism is accompanied by shame, because perfectionism arises out of areas where we are most vulnerable to shame.
Since perfectionism and shame are so closely related, it’s no surprise that the remedy for perfectionism is compassion and acceptance. When fear is met with compassion and acceptance, we are safe to fail. In addition, embracing imperfection and acknowledging our limits can help us let go of control. When we embrace imperfection and limits, it can be scary at first but over time it can help temper the expectations placed on us.
God often reiterates to his people to fear not because he is with us. I think the reason the fear of failure, rejection, and disappointment can be so overwhelming is that we ultimately fear abandonment. I believe that is why God makes the promise to always be with us and never leave us. We are free to fail, free to be imperfect, and free to let go of control and expectations because God is forever with us and loves us no matter what.
